I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 37. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Not a peli-cant. I intend to live forever. How do astronomers organize a party? You were too lazy to read that number. 45. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 39 funny positive affirmations. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 204. But it'll move up again.". Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Learn sign language, its very handy. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 277. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. 40. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 158. I make the right choices every time. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Life always offers you a second chance. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 1. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Billy Wilder. Enjoy! 198. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. 125. My mistakes dont define me. 200. Albert Einstein I am quite fascinating. 196. 92. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 115. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Lily Tomlin, 242. So, why not team them up? 2. Walter Bagehot 209. 48. 40. 214. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Alison Boulter. No matter what I look like. I see food, and I eat it. happy. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 47. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Its a door, thats how they work. 127. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 139. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 2. 219. 127. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 89. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 60. 71. 138. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 62. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 16. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 206. 99. I understand success cant happen overnight. My chins are a stairway to heaven. It takes so little to change your life! Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I love my body. 54. Is it perfect? Funny Affirmations. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 6. It may feel useless but just get into it. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. 150. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 137. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. But then again so does . 176. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. 94. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 23. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Bill Murray What do computers eat for a snack? Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Erma Bombeck Be careful when you follow the masses. 134. What do you call a bear with no teeth? My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I never apologize. I understand people talking about me. 232. Helen Giangregorio - F. I accept my body the way it is today. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. 8. I want to afford them., 2. Milton Berle Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Stuart Turner I tell you what always catches my eye. If only common sense were more common. 254. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 145. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. 109. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Some people are like clouds. 257. 169. Because seven ate nine. 41. 132. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Funny positive affirmations do work. 201. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Short people with an umbrella. 205. I feed my spirit. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. 1. In between, I am alive., 7. 81. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 142. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. My cankles will hold me. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 85. Go to bed with satisfaction.". Because they make up everything. 143. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 188. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Sincerely, yourself. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 75. 216. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 184. 128. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 34. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. 6. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. 7. - Unknown. Sam Levenson A wishbone. 117. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. God has never abandoned me. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. 4. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. 23. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 208. 55. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Can February march? I breathe in and out. It was created to do amazing things. 2. 144. 65. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 252. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. But sometimes affirmations may not work. When nothing is going right, go left. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. I did it! Theres no stopping me now. Life always offers you a second chance. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 49. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I'm doing great. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 112. How do you count cows? The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. 151. 63. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Envelope. 147. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 175. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 1. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. Some when they enter, some when they leave. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. Really? Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. 215. health is important. 43. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Why did the school kids eat their homework? 177. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Walter Bagehot. Send me the link. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Batwoman: single. 205. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Your actions become your habits. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 239. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Chop your own wood. 141. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I'm a peli-can! If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. The library, because it has so many stories. 140. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Your habits become your values. Confidence makes me powerful. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed.