Officer: No, I am an undercover detective. Tourist: So, why are you in uniform? Officer: Today is my day off.. Richard Armour, The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Police officers: Commemorate your coworker's strength, courage and bravery with a personalized police retirement gift. Go make the most of your days and enjoy your retirement. The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow.". They arent going to get rid of me that way. Betty White, I need to retire from retirement. Sandra Day OConnor, Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life. Kitty ONeill Collins, Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers, A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Ella Harris, When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Steve Young, Retirement at 65 is ridiculous. which every Judge takes, outside these city walls, into the cursed Earth. Leave the Relaxing to Her! Voltaire, The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. "John Wick: "I'm workin' on it." - John Wick: Chapter 2. shop 5STARGRAPHICDESIGN. Before you write, think. . And dont forget carefully crafted police chief retirement wishes and prayers for the man or woman at the helm of the department. Retiring State Trooper Pennsylvania State Police Department Seal picclick.com. Sherriff, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, Retirement: worlds longest coffee break. Unknown, Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. This religious prayer and word of encouragement is a great way to honor the retiring police chief and wish him or her all the best for a happy and peaceful retirement life. 30. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. more on this quote . Police Retirement. Funny I dont remember applying for a job there. May the wife have a happy time. Retirement is not in my vocabulary. A Life Long Friendship. Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. Now that leadership is gone. vision, and trust you instill in us! I'm Retired. Woody Allen, I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny? Zig Ziglar, Time is more valuable than money. I win! and drove off. 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All content, Now, as the day dawns Among other things, NewRetirement Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Dwight D. Eisenhower, Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now. All the best for an amazing retirement! Here are a couple of one liners that you may be able to use: "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.". The right one may even get you out of a speeding ticket. You cant win until you do this. Honoring Years of Dedicated Public Service, To A Retiring DHS Officer / Senior Leader. The largest collection of retirement one line jokes in the world. W. Somerset Maugham, Work saves us from three great evils: boredom, vice and need. What would you do if I stole a kiss? A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. To me a job is an invasion of privacy." Many folks think they arent good at earning money, when what they dont know is how to use it. But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! The basic mission of Police is to PREVENT crime and disorder. Your email address will not be published. We enjoy success due to your leadership, When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." -George Burns 61. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.". Funny cop retirement quotes. Showing search results for funny police retirement sorted by relevance. Sylvester Stallone - Judge Dredd. Funny Quotes About Retirement "Age is an issue of mind over matter. Catherine Pulsifer, "Retirement: No job, no stress, no pay!" It is what we do." -Police Officer Andrew Laurinec. After observing some erratic driving, he pulls the man over. Get great tips for managing money in retirement, What happens if you really do run out of money in retirement, 22 smart and easy ways to boost retirement savings, 4 ways to find meaning and purpose in retirement. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people. You deserve a great retirement, but I know you will still keep yourself busy. Having A Good Time Is My Job! individuals can use on their own behalf to help think through their future plans, but should not be Here's hoping for a fun, rewarding and restful life.". Soni "It is better to live rich than to die rich." - Samuel Johnson Gene Perret, "Retirement is not in my vocabulary. Before you quit, try. There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Call the Police. helpful non helpful. NewRetirement Planner and PlannerPlus are tools that Bertrand Russell, Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think youre supposed to. Some call it 'retirement.' I wish I can also retire right now so that I don't need to call anyone boss. You're no longer cuffed to a job. Wishing you all the best in your new retired life. Abe Lemons. Simone De Beauvoir, The worst of work nowadays is what happens to people when they cease to work. Happy retirement.". This song shows that even goodbyes can be hellos to a new part of life. quotesgram.com. Share this quote on Facebook Send via Mail . Its learning to live on less than you make, so you can give money back and have money to invest. When Cops Retire. it has a blue light. 27. Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?, Driver: Sorry, I was just trying to catch up with traffic. Officer: There is no traffic. The unique Forever Family Think Blue Line clip art re-emphasizes to the retiring officers that they are always part of the family forever, that fellow officers will always be there for them and support them. The public are the police and the police are the public, and both share the same responsibility for community safety. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Quotes tagged as "retirement" Showing 1-30 of 160. Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? We, your Friends and Brothers, 7. Leadership peace war world. What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! What are riot police in Germany called? Anonymous Capitalize on what comes. I'm pretty jealous of you, but needless to say, I'm happy for your retirement. Vince Lombardi, Retirement is the ugliest word in the language. Why are policemen such great volleyball players? Author Unknown, To find joy in work is to discover the fountain of youth. Pearl S. Buck, Dont think of retiring from the world until the world will be sorry that you retire. Mark Twain, A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. Andy Rooney, I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave. As you plan retirement, figure out what to say in a retirement card or write a retirement speech, you will enjoy reading funny retirement quotes, inspirational retirement quotes and much more about this wonderful phase of life. Obviously . Scott Cook 0 Likes Sponsored Links For Your Loyal and Dedicated Service Congratulations on your well-earned retirement. to utter words, but to live by them. Your happy retirement wishes in a greeting card, email, or text are a pat on the back, a standing ovation, a hearty toast celebrating both the accomplishment and expectations that retirement represents.. Tailor your best wishes to the retiree as well as your level of relationship or appropriateness given your . Its only my hat that makes me look that old.. What do you call a snake that informs the police? Police departments should continue to hire individuals of the highest possible character, so that young people look at the police in their cities and towns and say, "I want to be like that." "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. Tricera-cops. Law Enforcement Officer Wife Support Law Enforcement Police Family Police Life Police Force Heroic Men Nypd Blue Gun Humor Definitely! "A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job" - Ella Harris. Unknown, "How do you know it's time to retire? Police Quotes Police Humor Police Officer Cop Wife Police Wife Life Police Lives Matter Be My Hero Leo Love Law Enforcement which is why so few can do it well. Unknown, If all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. Every time you borrow money, youre robbing your future self. 13. God bless the officers I work with. What is five times five?" "Wednesday," replies Jenkin man. I hope you like the new precinct you've been transferred to - the couch! ~ Ernie Harwell. If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. #6 Dear husband, good luck on your next adventure together with me! Prepare for the worst. Unknown, Expect the best. The goal of retirement is to live off your assets, not on them. Plan the celebration with a personalized retirement plaque. The Beatles are well-known enough to be a great choice for a retirement party. Nothing happens by accident. The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games. We know, for example, that after a lifetime of camaraderie that few experience, it will remain as a . A Retired Husband Becomes A Wife's Full-Time Job. Antoine de Saint Exupery, In preparing for battle, I have found that plans are useless, but planning indispensable. Charles Francis Adams, The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender. Retirement is wonderful. "Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. 32. John Barrymore, You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. Unknown, "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." Satchel Paige, A goal without a plan is just a wish. may Gods blessings be upon you your many years of sacrifice and service. When I was 65, I still had pimples. George Burns, You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C.S. Funny retirement cake sayings are always a big hit (though not always appropriate for a workplace event). significant financial decision. POLICE OFFICER WIFE, Personalized, Prayer. If you look at what you have in life, youll always have more. Get Started Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, Cessation of work is not accompanied by cessation of expenses. Patrick Foley. But sometimes you're looking for the perfect idea for someone really special, and you need something creative and unique. Bruce Grocott, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. A. Doris Day, How old would you be if you didnt know how old you was? Retirement Wishes Continued: Think about it, now you never have to ask for a day off again. Add some lighthearted sarcasm and entertaining tidbits by drawing on famous retirement quotes and sayings from comedic characters, Marvel heroes, favorite reality stars, and more: Bowery King: "You're not very good at retiring. Kitty ONeill Collins, I never had the sense that there was an end: that there was a retirement or that there was a jackpot. A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. We wish you the best retirement possible. You've done your hard time and now it's time to enjoy some freedom! George Burns, Age is an issue of mind over matter. Bravery, compassion, ingenuity and dedication all must combine in order for a man or woman to make a job in law enforcement a career in law enforcement. 11. Funny Retired Police Officer Golf Retirement Gift T-Shirt 4.8 (9) $1999 FREE delivery Wed, Mar 8 on $25 of items shipped by Amazon Amazon Merch on Demand 5.0 (10) +4 colors/patterns Retirement Gift Ideas Police Officer Men or Women Mens Retired Police Officer Law Enforcement Sheriff Retirement T-Shirt 5.0 (1) $1799 Financial peace isnt the acquisition of stuff. And, of course, there have to be a few funny letter boards and signs! Because it runs through your jeans. The best part about retirement is that you don t have to worry about getting caught for doing nothing. Funny quotes Retirement quotes The basic mission of Police is to PREVENT crime and disorder. Personalized "Retired" Travel Tumbler Check Latest Price Why couldnt police notify the family of the murdered baker? Oliver Wendell Holmes Often when you are at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else. Keep in touch . Police Retirement Quotes Funny. Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife honey i m home for good. 45. When a good cop leaves the 'job' and retires to a better life, many are jealous, some are pleased and yet others, who may have already retired, wonder. What are the four food groups for cops? Off the clock - for good! 54. Facts about financial success later in life! Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. J. Lubbock, You have to put off being young until you can retire. to date. Peter Lynch. 5. Retirement! Author Unknown, Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Retirement is a time to reflect and enjoy your golden years. Scott Elledge, Retired is being twice tired, Ive thought first tired of working, then tired of not. Hello Pension. A personal congratulations and appreciation message to honor the police officer on his or her retirement and let them know that they will be truly missed for years to come. What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Cop to perp: Did you kill this man?, Perp: No, he died of natural causes. Cop: He was shot! Perp: Right a bullet killed him. Its doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it. Gene Perret, The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. Unknown, You dont stop laughing when you grow old. 60. Who works in tandem with the grammar police? 47. When Can I Retire?, and Whats My Retirement Income. Women go right on cooking.". Showing search results for "Police Retirement" sorted by relevance. 30. Personalized Crystals to Celebrate Life's Moments 2023 DIYAwards.com. Harry Vardon, Theres never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Unknown. 2023 NewRetirement, Inc. All rights reserved. Dislike Like. Alan Lakein, 7 ways to bring your future into the present, Preparation for old age should begin not later than ones teens. Before you invest, investigate. Abe Lemons, "We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to workand then we retire. Clarence Darrow, "I'm not just retiring from the company; I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron." 14. As long as youre working, you stay young. of loyal and dedicated service to A personalized best wishes and inspirational quote is an ideal way to honor the retiring police officer who spent his or her lifetime protecting and serving the community. What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? To honor a retiring county sheriff, deputy, or other law enforcement officers or bid farewell as they embark on the next step of their professional career with this inspirational police quote and saying. A word of warning. Love sharing with your friends and family? You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. The police are trying to say I assaulted a guy with a sheet of sandpaper. No gold watch could ever top it. Abigail Charleson. Bill Waterson, "Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension." Doug Larson, When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Upon retirement, you will take the long walk . What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? George Burns, You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing. Dishes. The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. Charles Lamb. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!". You may also share these fun retirement quotes. They aren't going to get rid of me that way." An officer stops a man for speeding and notices hes not wearing his required prescription glasses. The cop asked to see her drivers license. My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for Halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. You grow old when you stop laughing. George Bernard Shaw, To me, retirement means doing what you have fun doing. Dick Van Dyke, Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials: much to live on and much to live for. Unknown, Retirement: thats when you return home from work one day and say, Hi honey, Im home forever. Gene Perret, Retirement is not the end of the road. See more ideas about funny sayings quotes. 90 Anti-Jokes So Serious They're Hilarious. I am graduating. I got stopped last night by a police officer. Funny Retirement Quotes. Inspirational Retirement Quotes Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. The officer looked at the mirror, handed it back and said, OK, you can go. Being a Boomer, my friends are beginning to retire or at least thinking about it. Betty White. I'm still not retired." Before cuffing the artist, he looked at the mural and said, Now that is bold.. 24. on the next chapter in your life, To the People of the State of New York. Today is my graduation day. 1. 55. 1) Retirement is the beginning of the time when you can sit back and give advice to others, even though you never followed it in your own life. Disclaimer: The content, calculators, and tools on NewRetirement.com are for informational and educational purposes Search, discover and share your favorite Retirement GIFs. 10. So I do it three or four times a day." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way. The world needs more police officers like you. "Won't You Celebrate with Me" by Lucille Clifton It's time to celebrate with loved ones. Also, congratulations, Boss! (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}). These quotes are perfect to wish your retiring boss, teachers, doctors and co-workers. Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs. Retirement caps a career and opens the door to long-anticipated plans and dreams. #5 To the man who has been my best friend for years, my partner in crime, and the love of my life, Happy Retirement! Jelly, powdered, glazed, and chocolate frosted. With Great Honor and Recognition 2. Unknown, "Retirement: World's longest coffee break." We have rebelled against them. Margaret Nash, Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache unless you play golf. Gene Perret, I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life, than when I actually worked, but I love it. Catherine Pulsifer, I am a free man. Sherriff, I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Act like the inner young person you have always been." A state trooper pulled a farmer over on a rural road and said, Sir, do you realize your brother fell out of the car several miles back?, To which the farmer replied, Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!, This article was originally published on Oct. 29, 2019, A Man Went Viral For Refusing To Give Up His Spot On A Ride To A Crying Child, An American Mom Shares The Utter Magic Of Danish Playgrounds. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. Fred Rogers, Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Chi Chi Rodriguez, When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. Soni, It is better to live rich than to die rich. Samuel Johnson, If people concentrated on the really important things in life, thered be no shortage of fishing poles. Doug Larson, As for me, except for the occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. Robert Benchley, The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons, You have to put off being young until you can retire. Unknown, There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. The current institutionally provided retirement plans will not cover people's needs upon retirement. What do you call a female police officer playing guitar? 21. 36. We tell em to get a life. Vince Lombardi, In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day. Unknown, Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of those is work. Clarence Darrow, Money is something you got to make in case you dont die. Max Asnas, I dont feel old. While I love my job, I look forward to living life on my own time and having the freedom to travel with my husband, Kevin. JONATHAN CLEMENTS. Are you married to a police officer? All those years of working and now you can get back to acting like a child again! This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting. He or she who laughs last at the boss's jokes probably isn't far from retirement. On what show do police officers solve crimes committed by garden gnomes? What does it look like? the woman asked. Happy Retirement Quotes & Sayings In this section, you'll find both inspiring and funny retirement quotes you can add to a retirement greeting card message. It is the beginning of the open highway." Call us today at 928-985-6259 and learn more about our facility and what we have to offer todays seniors. Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too. Department, thank you for all you have Retirement Farewell Quotes for Coworker. 34. They suspected it of fowl play, Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes. Retirement Quotes. Join us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Know what you own, and know why you own it. Cars are backed up for miles. The information presented is based on objective analysis, but it may not be the same that you Retired Legend . Beautiful Retirement Poems Each poet examines the fundamental opposites of bliss and poison. 80 Retirement Quotes - Inspirational and Funny Retirement Sayings Last updated: February 17, 2023 Retirement quotes are a fantastic way of making the retiree in your life feel recognized and appreciated. 33. This positive song reminds people that retirement isn't a final goodbye. Cop: No. Man: What about all these other cars? Cop: They didnt ask!. Everywhere I touch it hurts.". It's when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it." Explore 22 smart and easy ways to boost retirement savings big! I cant get old; Im working. An officer stops a man for speeding and notices he's not wearing his required prescription glasses. Carolyn Leigh and Cy Coleman Jump in! 35. 48. Source Unknown, Do it yourself retirement planning: easy, comprehensive, reliable. Best wishes! ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Their names are Bed and Couch. "You will be alone. Then its time for my nap. Bob Hope, Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too. Charles Baxter, The best thing about retirement is not having to wear pants. Mark Hewer, You might be on the back nine of life, but its good to finish strong. Morton Shaevitz, Retired is being tired twice, Ive thought, the first tired of working, then tired of not. Richard Armour, Youve heard of the three ages of man: youth, middle age, and youre looking wonderful. Cardinal Spellman, Goodbye to 9 to 5. Will Rogers, "Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else." Need some retirement card ideas for your co-worker? It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." - Gene Perret "When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income" - Chi Chi Rodriguez "There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working" - Robert Half "I have never liked working. I asked a rookie what he would do if he had to arrest his mother. What kind of dinosaur works for the police? Police Officer Gift Plaques & Custom Awards for Sale. Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? 49. If you give one of these to a colleague, friend, or family member that is looking forward to retirement, it will surely help you communicate your appreciation. "Enjoy being the master of absolutely nothing.". To return Click Here. George Foreman, People may live as much retired from the world as they like, but sooner or later they find themselves debtor or creditor to some one. Have you ever been pulled over for a speeding ticket that you didnt think you deserved? Funny Retirement Messages for Police Officers You've served and done your hard time, now you can enjoy freedom! 8329 matching entries found. the People of the City of New York. How Much Do I Need?, Net Worth? Funny retirement quotes for your boss. Funny retirement teacher retirement party police sarcastic police humor funny jokes facebook status it is what it is funny facebook status jobs sarcasm smart alec. "Best wishes for an awesome retirement. Some call it retirement; I call it bliss. Betty Sullivan, In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley, Its paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone. Andy Rooney, Work is the curse of the drinking classes. Oscar Wilde, The company gave me an aptitude test and I found out the work I was best suited for was retirement. Unknown, Sometimes its hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work or a punishment. Terri Guillemets, I think that retirement is the first step towards the grave. Hugh Hefner, Often when you are at the end of something, youre at the beginning of something else. Fred Rogers, Retirement is not in my vocabulary. Honor the dignity of the Thin Blue Line with police retirement plaque wording ideas that really mean something. J. Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. You might catch something contagious. SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! Cop: When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least., Driver: Youre wrong, officer. Best wishes in all your future endeavors. Short police sayings the police must obey the law while enforcing the law earl warren nightmares come in many forms when you re a cop c. Taylor if we hand the relief items to police we are not sure it will reach the victims abdul razzaq the height of strategy is to attack your opponent s strategy sun tzu. 39. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. HUMOROUS RETIREMENT QUOTES Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous When I was sixty-five - I still had pimples. It is the beginning of the open highway." - Author Unknown Theres a man in the town whos stealing the wheels of police cars. All the best!". Nellah McGough runs the day-to-day operations in the Southern Living Birmingham office, responds to reader questions and comments, manages freelancer contracts, and invoices. You must gain control over your money or the lack of it will forever control you. 11. My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas. I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly. assets, income, and investments such as equity in a home or savings accounts in addition to your R.C. for the rest of the department. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Retirement life begins when the kids move out and the cat gets run over. The police caught a person erasing peoples criminal records. However, my alarm clock and I have several years before we can reach that point.