Relationships are dynamic and there are a lot of ways to connect with a partner. This is a perfect case of giving and take. We're looking for an apartment that we can afford together, which, given our expenses, shouldn't be an issue. His mindset is and always has been that she comes first and he has not set up boundaries. He is a really nice gentleman. Family-oriented includes spending quality time together, celebrating with one another, and supporting each other. By now, (I hope) you know that if a man freaks out on the waiter, hes likely going to do the same to you, and those men who hate all of their exes? Do you have any advice? He also has student debt. I guess, what I'm asking is: is it wrong for me to want that 350 to be saved for our future instead of a family that only uses us? However, if your spouse is using you, they will always find a way to change the subject when you bring up finances, or they might even get angry and cause conflict when you try to talk to them about it. Fortnite Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, but they can also be incredibly challenging. Look out for him spending your money, making you feel guilty for spending your money, expecting you to pay for everything, and essentially just taking more than he gives. In this article, we will explore the benefits of laughter in relationships and techniques for cultivating humor and joy. AH!! He will ask you a lot of financial favors. His response was his parents will be able to use social assistance. All these comments about how commendable the son is for supporting his parents like this, smh. In a world of dating sites and swiping right, couples who do everything together may seem retro and cute from the outside, but theres a real value in flying solo, even when attached. His mother is always going to be in the picture and is very financially reliant on him like she is his wife. TL:DR: My boyfriend (M39) (I am F37) of ~1 year has been responsible for his parents financially since their retirements. Tell him that she can get roommates if she doesn't want to live alone, and she can learn to live within her means rather than depending on the two of you, but you are just not willing to live in a situation where you support her for the next 30 years because you have other goals like getting married and having kids etc. She has even gone so far as to ask my boyfriend to call certain companys that she owes money to, (to discuss when she will be able to pay her bill, etc.) 1. AND he's bad with money and is $50K in the hole from his own bad relationship with money. The relative financial contributions of men and women differ significantly by the educational attainment of each partner. As crucial as knowing your partner's salary is understanding his financial habits and insecurities about money. Here it goes: My boyfriend (26 going on 27) and I (21) have been together for two years and for the past year he and I have shared a 2bdroom 2 bath apartment with his mother. Thanks for your comment. But as of now, he spends more on supporting them than himself. She keeps saying if they had anything it would have been for him. Dear Penny, My longtime boyfriend and I are both in our mid-20s. If he won't agree to that, then you have to accept that though you may have many things about him you think are great, his mommy issues are not tolerable and you don't want to live in a group family situation your whole life so that part is just not compatible and you need to find someone else. A man who knows how to take care of himselfand cares enough to make the effort to do so will be far more inclined to step-up and take care of you than someone who just expects you to live according to his low standards or act as a full time maid-service. Rent, groceries, bills, car, cellphone, you name it. 6. The more you work on yourself and build self-confidence, the more you can bring to the relationship. Although not everyone in debt is irresponsible and should be blanketed as users, if your partner has financial problems and hes using your money to survive, its not good news! We are now paying their rent, so that the rest of them can afford to buy a house. If he's willing to discuss these things openly, if he's willing to then agree to financial counseling with you before marriage and clean up and address financial issues before any marriage happens and then does so - not just says he will but really does do that - that's a good sign. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. What happens when he is married and its THEIR money? Now that you know the signs of financial abuse to look out for, you should be able to spot them easily, even within one day! Its very heartbreaking, I love him dearly but really cant understand his decision to provide for his parents at the expense of living like this in his prime time. At this point, I'm not sure what you'd lose is you just flat-out told him you've been invading his privacy and demand to know why he keeps financially supporting an ex he broke up with nearly a year ago. It was an example. I think he should find them a nice but more affordable apartment in a less expensive area, and continue his conversation with them about how they can contribute more, as this has been going on for a few years. Although it might be difficult to come to terms with the fact that your husband could be financially abusing you, its important that you deal with it straight away, as soon as you confirm thats what hes doing. Before I met him I was married and my husband left me and . Hes supporting his parents financially while living with them and working two jobs. Some people have dependent children and they have to pay child support. He told me that without his support the parents will be homeless. They have absolutely no pension or savings and completely rely on him financially. He Doesnt Add To Joint Bank Accounts, Only Takes From Them, 13. Women Share Their Personal Experiences Of Financially Supporting Their Partners. He's obviously going to expect you to take care of his share and needs if you're going to be living somewhere nicer than a basement, unless he has plans to cut the cord one day but you didn't mention that. Well break down the latest business and consumer news and insights you need to know every Wednesday. 3. You are financially secure and already own a house he could move into and have a property that his parents could move in to rent free. I know his parents dont have savings. Answer (1 of 60): Absolutely and unequivocally no, you should not help your new boyfriend financially. I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and we have talked about a future together. If you find that whenever you go out for dinner or head to the shops youre always the one paying because your guy never offers, this is a problem. Therefore, it is critical to understand why your character matters more than you think. He supports his parents financially 100%. Others have to pay alimony. Social media has become an integral part of modern society, with millions of people using it on a daily basis. But others find it changes the relationship dynamic a lot. My boyfriend and I agree that we cannot live with his parents as a couple for various reasons. At first it felt like something good to do for the benefit of our relationship, but after a while I realized my partner was treating me like his private bank. BUT if he refuses to talk about it, deflects, gets angry, talks only in generalities of the "Oh you know, just dumb decisions," but won't give specifics, tells you that it will be addressed AFTER you marry or it's so unromantic to talk about these things or this proves you don't love him then run far away and fast. The only way i can see this working is if mom lives in an in-law apartment so you can have your own spaces or she lives with a sibling or someone else, with him paying a certain bill. Protect yourself so that his financial instability doesnt affect you or harm you in any way, communicate openly with your significant other and tell him your worries, help him come to his senses, and force him to understand that he has to be more responsible with his money. Neither of us have any children. Hes Reckless With Spending Your Money, 5. And if it all is true it also means he's very under his parents thumb and that's a whole other kettle of fish - have you even met these people? He is . It's the complete opposite for men. Whether that's emotionally or financially, you have some backing and that can be . The societal norm of being in a relationship or getting married has been ingrained in our minds since childhood. 2. Don't expect him to be your financial supporter Of course, your man might just be really bad with finances and not know the right way to manage money. IF this is an absolute dealbreaker I would just move on without commenting on his financial situation. We have alot of arguments regarding boundaries and money. It has been proven to have numerous physical and mental health benefits, including reducing stress, boosting the immune system, and improving mood. He makes fun of me for having a "sh****y job" but he supports his mother, and he is only 26. We have grown up with fairy tales and romantic comedies that have told us that the ultimate goal in life is to find our true love and live happily ever after. And completely unsustainable. Let me make a distinction of what I am NOT saying here: I am not saying to reassure him. It will never be your job to fix someone else's financial mistakes. Family-obsessed is another story. Now we are renting a small house together. Idk what's with these comments but this is weird to me too. If you're together as a family and want to grow I dont see how you'll be able to when he's already supporting one family and living in a basement to do it. The site owner may have set restrictions that prevent you from accessing the site. If worse thing is that his parents absolutely do not qualify for anything, you will have to decide if you can live with two extra dependents on your tab on a monthly/yearly basis, times X number of years that they have left. I earn slightly less but dont have many debts or expenses. Ps. boyfriend financially supports his family. And if his mother is very dependent, there's a good chance that even if you move out and marry, as soon as you marry he'll move her right into your house and you are in the position of either having to accept it or else divorce him. Only you can decide what you can withstand in your financial life together. It's only a 50 pound difference, but he regularly lied to my face regarding it, and that really brought this all to a head. Read this: 30 Things Smart Women Know By The Time Theyre 30, Read this: I Am A Mother Of Two Children And I Cannot (And Will Not) Support Feminism, Read this: 6 Facebook Statuses That Need To Stop Right Now. This is money going to the people that made him exist and ensured he survived through his childhood years.