military aviation jokes military aviation jokes

Eternal Piece What does ARMY mean to you? While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. you cant do both. 49. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 42. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. Want more amazing military jokes? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. He needed COVER! I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Fish Food. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Reply: No, I say again. A LOOtenant! Looking for military boot camp jokes? U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. . If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Attention! Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. This is really good, he said. A Recruiter Misled You. 3. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. Why were the Marines invented? If pilots screw up, they die. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. 66. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. He nodded. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. ", 55. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. 1. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? The Marine said Are you crazy? Full Disclosure Here. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. 11. Individual use is by implied consent. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . (Hang up. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. SUB sandwiches! Even his son turned up. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. The Lasting Supper Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Now he likes peanuts.. Read more. If it doesnt move, pick it up. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. How tough? Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? 4. It was sheer brilliance. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. We recommend our users to update the browser. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. What are you doing? I asked. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". Its not weak, he replied. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Learn from the mistakes of others. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Did it work? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. MARCH! Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Of course, he responded. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Gary Toohard. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Why? I asked. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. So I quit ordering it.. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. She also liked her scotch. Whats an LMD? I asked. What do hungry Marines eat? One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Me: Hello? They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. ! Proceed at your own risk. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. The INFANTry! Then one day I couldnt find it. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. Fish Food. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. They throw out a pistol. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 41. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Did you hear about the big accident on base? USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Aircraft Engineers 1. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. 9. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: OHH OHOH! Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Aviation Humor. Officer: Soldier. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. I dont see it.. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. Killed bin Laden. USA: Choppers Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance. I was the tallest guy in line. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. Co-Pilot: What?!. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Rodrigues there? 6. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. 2. A drill serGENTLEMEN! He nodded. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? And )second 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. SUB sandwiches! Takeoffs are optional. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. 3. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Rodrigues? How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? An airplane! One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . It was sheer brilliance. There are many branches of the military. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Now, lets try it again! So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. with someone braver than you.'. Ive been sandblasted.. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two".