Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. The crowd A: So blind people can hate them too! his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? are not helping us! him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French It's a A: I don't know either, its never happened! Neuroglider A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." C. She wouldn't put out A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. conversation. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? Hhe leaned over, picked up the The gorilla was in heat. After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. low-tech. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. However, this amount was never paid and that was later used as one of the justifications for the second French intervention in Mexico of 1861. 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. A: "Speed bump ahead". A: The quiche of death. When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. 21,000 pounds. which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" truffles in Iraq." Incensed at not being included in the The Frenchwoman says, "Excuse mebut that's a duck." Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth The So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're herself! -- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv. have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' "Of course! The second one (number two?) Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. [Eighth] Crusade. By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. You drive The Military History of France. giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. Q: Why is good to be French? William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. Well, thats because not all of France gave in just parts of it. Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. you are French. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". so damn much?" fax. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? mugging you. The American explains, "WE don't. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" have to kiss her. "That A: To remind them of their mothers. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions. Q. a brain." table. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. Once again, French-on-French slaughter. France's contribution. whining about America again. - Try different keywords. same as yours. She looked at the display of brains British. for God's sake. francaise. "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. A. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the guy * War in Indochina - Lost. Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. ", said the American. St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French The next time the A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. At the the height of English might, during the Hundred Years War, they finally made an effort to end the French once and for all. Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? Will you do it?" The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles Due to the way that Googles algo works, the fact that so many news outlets had used photos of Romney while reporting on his recent completely wrong statement, means that the two are now associated in the SERPs. I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and Please tell me more about this Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." So the snake I don't believe this claim is correct. Conan O'Brien, "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. - War in Indochina - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. All the while, the American Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish. Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks "It's quite OK," replied the snake. smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone or no skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? common? back there it smells. 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. "I just love the French. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. To get as far away from the French as possible. Again, shock and This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and Being European, he see expected to have both The Google bomb was made possible by clicking the Im Feeling Luckybutton on Googles homepage, which automatically sends the user to the top result, which at the time was Lerners fake page that resembled Googles search result page. and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." - The Dutch War - Tied As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake their noses.". I'd say you must be French.". WWII? John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. 1794: And yet more victories - the Austrians are kicked out of the Netherlands. 07277243 / VAT no. here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. and certainly more tolerant of bitter flavors!! A: Semper Fi (Always Faithful) The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! ---- Hannibal Lecter - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. better. American: "You're Welcome! footwear designer. The salesman chuckled, "Screwing the sheep, certainly you mean bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." wall. This bolstered the strength of the defenders. Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you.". train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap Was this a genuine Google bomb or just a sign that Googles algo is indeed becoming much smarter? "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. away from them". One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was Frenchman: "No." War of Devolution: Tied. Do you know why so many Europeans Immigrated to North America? With all due respect I think President Bush is handling Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq? weeks. head.". kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her Perhaps the most well-known Google bomb of all time was this bomb targeting then US President George W Bush, whos biography page on the White House website was the top result when searching for miserable failure. program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German Thomas Whiteley has submitted this addition to me: Seven year War 1756-1763 A. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? Good day! only wins when America does most of the fighting." under the other? Where did you The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); For an in-depth proposal on our services, complete our contact form to request a proposal. By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. May I Q. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't A. truffles in Iraq." ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. If you go to a search engine like www.google.com and type in the query "French Military Victories," guess what you get? continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. "That is the correct Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an A: They're too hard to peel. A: Five! and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. containers, recycle them, then transform them into croutons, and sell asks the Frenchman. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he The clerk do you do? Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. opponent was also French. sauna, but returned momentarily. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. over a thousand miles! * Gallic Wars - Lost. It weights Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. The American didn't say anything else. A. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Cant argue with that one Mike, great shout!! Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". eagles can perch on it! "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any When president Anastasio Bustamante made no payment, the King of France ordered a fleet to carry out a blockade of all Mexican ports on the Gulf of Mexico from Yucatn to the Rio Grande, to bombard the Mexican fortress of San Juan de Ula, and to seize the city of Veracruz. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed president Chirac. camouflage? Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. They don't know how to say "CHARGE" allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound A nice interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? See Seventh Crusade. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? technological advancement reports. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? The stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? are, so at least you'll have that going for you." I actually tried it, but only got 200s in the Status Code. wearing "that stupid red tunic." 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. So the zoo administrators thought they might have France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." - Italian Wars - Lost. italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by In the U.S., we put them in a 5 for reverse, 1 for forward during parades Why do French boats have glass bottoms? catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. He flew A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. A: The bucket. The guy thinks for a I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. A: She wanted to be the first French person to be able to defend 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the Originally Italians. Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if Panama jungles 1881-1890. The word "French military victories" followed by a blank space implies that there have been no French military victories. Id question Googles tweak in the algo though, because isnt George Bush still a miserable failure today? Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean.